So it comes full circle...

[triadruid]

featherynscale posted a hilarious idea for those of us with wacko birth families yesterday, and I'm appropriating it. Especially since my own mother has certain 'issues' with the way I live, and has only called the Highway Patrol out to find me once, when I actually didn't show up the day I said I would from my road trip.

Here's how to play:

1. Presume that I am collecting an address book for my mother, in which she wants to know who my friends are and what they do.
   
2. If you were to be in such an address book, post here and tell me how you would want to be described. I'll respond and tell you how I would have described you.
   
3. Bonus points for making it as awful as possible (in her eyes), within the limitations of the English language, but still be true (in our eyes).
   
4. Example: "lulumai is an eternal college student. She also knows a lot about Jesus' penis."

This is only a thought-experiment. Nobody's contact information will actually be given to the crazy lady.

Comments

[druidevo.livejournal.com]

druidevo- a very nice retired trained killer and current collage student and general agent provocatour

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

Star: She doesn't get out much, and when she lures people to her home, she just can't keep her hands off of them...

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Jennifer: Apparently she's sleeping with me, but nobody, including me, seems to notice.

[ysabel.livejournal.com]

I'm thinkin' it'd have to be pretty much the same thing I gave her.

ysabel: One of zylch's brother's wives. Haven't yet had a chance to boink her.

Not to be uncreative, but, you know, I've only actually gotten to spend the one weekend with y'all and all. But maybe you'd describe me differently, dunno.

[wildnsquirrelly.livejournal.com]

wildnsquirrelly: Fellow pagan & longtime friend of featherynscale. Possible source of high powered explosives?


Do I get a gold star? :D

[opaljax.livejournal.com]

Jacki: absolutely gorgeous trained investigator who likes to hang out with criminals.

(I'm feeling much more creative today)

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

If you were somehow to work in the phrase, Ninja Sex Goddess, well, that'd be sweet.

[cameellie.livejournal.com]

I haven't met Cameellie yet, but she knows an awful lot about all of us. Since she keeps her cell phone on vibrate in her bra, you'll always be able to reach out and touch her for our whereabouts.

Hehehe. Not bad.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Jacki: Wore Army boots in a prior life; now knows a lot of low-life scum. Great ass, though, and giggles like anything when bitten.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

wildnsquirrely: Ex-military, with a beard, shaved head, and access to large wildlife. Not to be trusted with longbows indoors.

We can do better than that..

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

ysabel: One of zylch's brother's wives. Tall blonde, used to be a man but you'd never know it even on close examination. Sex life that'll make *me* pause... haven't boinked her yet.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Jennifer: I may be sleeping with her, I may not - it's hard to remember. Writes Harry Potter porn and aspires to get published.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Star: Married and divorced, changed her name. If you pay her enough, she'll let you take your clothes off and she'll pet you.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

druidevo: Trained killer with bowel problems; knows a lot of hackers.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Cameelie: Keeps tabs on everybody but never actually meets them, or really goes outside much. Has a lot of needles in her possession at all times.

[lightonthesill.livejournal.com]

Is (aparently) the kind of person when my wife to be said: "I don't know if I'm available, you have to ask Caroline, she owns me" I belived it was true.

[leiandra.livejournal.com]

Wasn't I the one that you were with when she called out the Highway Patrol (in the wrong state)?

Let's see - I have NO idea how I'd describe myself. You get a free turn on this one.

[wildnsquirrelly.livejournal.com]

1)I'm not quite Ex- just yet.
2)Yeah, but while being IN the military that makes me cooler than a lot of these poor wankers.
3)That's not bad, is it? That reminds me, check out my latest post.
4)I've never done anything awful with a longbow indoors. Not that I *remember*, anyway. And how is that worse than the explosives bit? It sounds as though you, sir, are simply being argumentative for the very fun of it.

tee-hee.

[matchgirl42.livejournal.com]

matchgirl42: Fellow pagan, longtime friend of featherynscale, haven't actually met her yet but she keeps trying to convince me to go with her to this pagan festival called SPiRaL where people dress up in fetish gear and lick melted chocolate off of each other.

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

For featherynscale I was the Smallpox Lady of Wyandotte County... for you I may become the Bioterrorism Goddess of Johnson County. So... there it is then.

(Cross your fingers that I get called for an interview!!)

I say again.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Then there's Nik. She's mostly harmless. Oh, and she wants to marry us.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Caroline: Likes screwing Navy boys and sings about it. Obsessed with demons and nightmares. Very, very pregnant.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Yep, it was with you and Da Frug that I was nearly caught by the Law *and* your mother. Good times.

Oops.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

leiandra: Redheaded serial kidnapper who does unspeakable things with me in the company of other women. I'm obsessed with her breasts.

(I can't say anything bad about your predilections for fixing/driving trucks, as my mother would approve of that, more likely than not).

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

4) I dunno man, I've heard stories about you putting broadheads through doors. Interior doors. My source says perhaps it wasn't a longbow, however, if you want to get technical about it...

Also, I wasn't saying it was "worse" than the explosives thing, but I have no evidence/proof of your proficiences with HE. I've got Primary Source stories about your antics with more primitive weaponry, however...

Re: I say again.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Nicole: Likes Prince's "Darling Nikki" to an unhealthy degree. Will break your arm in her sleep. Also, has married both kittenpants and I.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

8elements: Shows off her breasts at every opportunity. Very knowledgeable about biological weapons. Doesn't wear underwear, either, and will tell you about it.

Re: tee-hee.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

matchgirl42: Wants to get me naked and lick melted chocolate off of me. Probably wants to do the same to my wife and girlfriend, actually. Maybe we're just toys to her...

Re: We can do better than that..

[ysabel.livejournal.com]

Hee hee hee hee hee. Joel says, "Sounds about like what I sent to my parents about her."

(Not that it's quite accurate, but it's as accurate as you're going to get without getting very verbose, so, yeah...And made me laugh my ass off, which is always worth points, you know.)

i love you...

[lulumai.livejournal.com]

i think that pretty much sums it up... i don't know how to improve upon it...

[zerself.livejournal.com]

zerselfWoman who talks to ambulances. Sometimes they listen. She likes the entire entropic household a lot, even though she almost never gets to see us.

Re: i love you...

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

*grin* Fair enough...*smooches the Darci*

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

zerself: Likes being around people who are hurt or dying; she's got a bigger dick than I do, and will show it to you if you ask.

I dunno, it's hard to say 'bad' things about you, hon...

[zerself.livejournal.com]

*blushes* thanks honey. (about the saying bad things. not the dick. Wasn't mine anyway...but I think I wore it well *evil grin*)

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

hehehe, I love petting!

Re: We can do better than that..

[fenton.livejournal.com]

You know, somewhere I still have a copy of that letter, I think. And zylch might, as well.