And yet, we cannot live in fear of that possible result. Someone could snap when I ask them to put no onions on my sandwich, and attempt to beat me over the head with a frying pan. I'm not going to stop the behavior I choose to engage in for my own health and well-being, although I will comport myself in a way that makes me less likely to be a victim of any particular attack.
To do otherwise (live in fear of what might happen from a person who has shown no tendencies) is to surrender before the conflict has even started. On the other hand, most abusers will show signs long before they get to the physical stage, so I think zylch's point is well-made. If you aren't sure you can trust someone with your most sensitive bits exposed, why are you getting naked with them in the first place?
If what I said sounded like I support living in fear (which is not living) that was not what I was thinking or feeling.
I have been facing the results of my own choices to succumb to the confusion with complicated behavior. The tendancy I have to "get it all to make sense" because I struggle saying no. Especially saying no without mounds of gulit.
Hope that begins to clarify the processes of my brain this morning...
And llok, right there in the previous reply...the victim energy. Apologizing and hoping not to have offended anyone.
I find that I am somewhat surprised at how deep the victim (choice, conditioning, both) role is entwinned in my life. It has been easy to blame others for their part in "making me a victim" and the truth is, I constanly choose that position.
Never wanting to hurt anyone (which includes upsetting of any kind) has led me down the victim path quite easily. Choosing to walk another path, that's challenging for me.
Trying to walk a path of "Do No Harm (To Others)" is especially difficult and treacherous. There are benefits to the pacifist and non-confrontational viewpoints; don't think I'm trying to talk you out of anything that encompasses how you wish to live.
That being said, I hope to see more of the assertive, sassy, outspoken Star in the future, and anything I and my family can do to try to help with that, we will. I hope you know that.
I do not feel you are trying to talk me out of anything (nor have I ever felt that), especially the choices I make that support the way I wish to live.
What I do feel is a stong pull to defend my position and that comes from insecure self-acceptance and self-trust which are issues I try to look at daily and make conscious choices about.
That being said, some days are easier than others. :)
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branchandroot
Re: And yet...
Date: 2005-03-10 02:43 pm (UTC)To do otherwise (live in fear of what might happen from a person who has shown no tendencies) is to surrender before the conflict has even started. On the other hand, most abusers will show signs long before they get to the physical stage, so I think
Re: And yet...
Date: 2005-03-10 02:53 pm (UTC)If what I said sounded like I support living in fear (which is not living) that was not what I was thinking or feeling.
I have been facing the results of my own choices to succumb to the confusion with complicated behavior. The tendancy I have to "get it all to make sense" because I struggle saying no. Especially saying no without mounds of gulit.
Hope that begins to clarify the processes of my brain this morning...
Re: And yet...
Date: 2005-03-10 03:41 pm (UTC)I find that I am somewhat surprised at how deep the victim (choice, conditioning, both) role is entwinned in my life. It has been easy to blame others for their part in "making me a victim" and the truth is, I constanly choose that position.
Never wanting to hurt anyone (which includes upsetting of any kind) has led me down the victim path quite easily. Choosing to walk another path, that's challenging for me.
Re: And yet...
Date: 2005-03-10 06:29 pm (UTC)That being said, I hope to see more of the assertive, sassy, outspoken Star in the future, and anything I and my family can do to try to help with that, we will. I hope you know that.
Re: And yet...
Date: 2005-03-10 06:41 pm (UTC)I do not feel you are trying to talk me out of anything (nor have I ever felt that), especially the choices I make that support the way I wish to live.
What I do feel is a stong pull to defend my position and that comes from insecure self-acceptance and self-trust which are issues I try to look at daily and make conscious choices about.
That being said, some days are easier than others.
:)