Posit: Love is subject to qualitative analysis.

[triadruid]

We can identify defining characteristics of (romantic) love that distinguish it from other relationships:

• Attraction


• Common Interests


• Trust


• Compatible Dysfunctions (thanks to featherynscale for this term)


• Within a 'Standard Deviation' of each other (thanks go to azanthia for this one)

I should explain the 'Standard Deviation' concept a bit further; essentially, it means someone who is not so far above you, or so far beneath you, that the difference is going to cause a problem. This can be intellectual difference, social class difference, religion, whatever.. opposites may attract, but similarities build resonance.

If you have some subset of these characteristics, you can have a relationship, even a good one, just not the same one. For instance, Common Interests + Trust + Compatible Dysfunctions + Standard Deviation = Best Friend for Life(?). Common Interests + Trust = Favorite Coworker(?).

And so on. Feel free to poke holes, I just found it interesting and didn't want to forget the midnight philosophy.

Comments

Further thoughts, re: Khristoff

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I think I figured out why it was Never Gonna Work (tm) with me and Khristoff - he's optimistic to the point of being naive, and I'm pessimistic to the point of being cynical. It's a failure to connect on basic outlook on life.

I would perpetually feel like I was bursting his bubbles, which I really care too much about him to do. (Ah, the famous "I don't want to date you because I would fuck up your life pretty badly, and you just don't do that to people you like" response...)

Does that come under Compatible Dysfunctions, Within a Standard Deviation, or is that outside the system?

Re: Further thoughts, re: Khristoff

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

I'm inclined to classify it under Compatible Dysfunctions, if it's that severe of a disconnect. But then, I'm on the inside of the experiment, and need some outside perspective.

Re: Further thoughts, re: Khristoff

[kittenpants.livejournal.com]

In my analysis of the elements of compatibility, I classified this as "Life Attitude" under "Spiritual Compatibility":

"Life Attitude:
Some people cannot cope with day-to-day reality, and are eternally dissatisfied with the real world, and try to run away from it or deny it exists. Some people accept it as it is, but are never actually pleased with reality, and occasionally avoid it. Some people enjoy the world around them, but never deeply connect to it. And some people truly appreciate life and the universe, and enjoy the things that happen with gratitude and humility, and joy. To these people, even the bad or difficult things are viewed as learning experiences and challenges. I've only met a handful of the latter kind, and I can easily form lasting, loving relationships with them - but none of them have been romantic or sexual relationships. People on the opposite end of the spectrum I have a hard time relating to on that fundamental level, and I don't think I could spend my life with someone like that. Most gamers fall into that category (and traditional Buddhist dogma supports it. Many modern variations of Buddhism that integrate the Taoist love of life are not like that, though). So that is one of my criteria in looking for a mate, where you fall with your general attitude about life. I want to be with someone who enjoys each day as a gift, not as a burden. I want to be with someone who sees life as a grand adventure, who approaches life with the enthusiasm of a child and accepts the things that happen as being part of natural harmony and appreciates things for fulfilling their nature. I guess this boils down to a person's attitude about the way things "should" be. If a person holds anger and resentment that life is not a fairy tale, they have unreasonable expectations and can never be satisfied with anything. If a person holds faith that life and everything in it has a purpose, and that our duty is to learn from events and accept that they must happen to achieve that purpose, then they are one step closer to enjoying life. When they reach that acceptance, and have faith that the Purpose is good and we are given these experiences as gifts to help us grow, and this person finds joy in the things that happen, then they are someone I can truly respect, admire, and share my life with fully, knowing they will never take me for granted, and that when I bring an event to their attention, they will share my awe and joy in exploring the meaning of the event. Where do you fall on the spectrum of your view of life? Is life painful? Is it just boring? Is it ok? Is it enjoyable? Is it amazing? Is it a gift for which you are thankful?"

Re: Further thoughts, re: Khristoff

[kittenpants.livejournal.com]

::blinks::

What kind of crack was I on when I wrote that? I think I'd just broken up with a hardcore pessimist...

*blink*

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

*blink*blink*