Posit: Love is subject to qualitative analysis.

[triadruid]

We can identify defining characteristics of (romantic) love that distinguish it from other relationships:

• Attraction


• Common Interests


• Trust


• Compatible Dysfunctions (thanks to featherynscale for this term)


• Within a 'Standard Deviation' of each other (thanks go to azanthia for this one)

I should explain the 'Standard Deviation' concept a bit further; essentially, it means someone who is not so far above you, or so far beneath you, that the difference is going to cause a problem. This can be intellectual difference, social class difference, religion, whatever.. opposites may attract, but similarities build resonance.

If you have some subset of these characteristics, you can have a relationship, even a good one, just not the same one. For instance, Common Interests + Trust + Compatible Dysfunctions + Standard Deviation = Best Friend for Life(?). Common Interests + Trust = Favorite Coworker(?).

And so on. Feel free to poke holes, I just found it interesting and didn't want to forget the midnight philosophy.

Comments

[zylch.livejournal.com]

Common Interests + Trust + Compatible Dysfunctions + Standard Deviation = Best Friend for Life(?)

::poking hole with counter-example::
My best friend and I actually have very few common interests. In fact, we both actively despise the other's main interest (art history for her, classics & archaeology for me). She likes the city, I like te country, she likes the ocean, I like the mountains... for as dissimilar as we are, it's amazing how well we get on.

However, we found out something interesting when we both did an email survey that asked you to describe yourself without using adjectives, or only using verbs, or something like that. When you take out the interests and other pedestrian crap, she and I are almost exactly alike. We put down practically identical answers without even knowing that the other person was doing the quiz.

We also have trust, compatile dysfunctions, and standard deviation, but the "similar nature" seems more important than "similar interests" to me.

Okay, mind exploring this?

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Without common interests, what do you 'do' as friends together? Besides the support-structure stuff that best friends can do for each other...

Re: Okay, mind exploring this?

[zylch.livejournal.com]

Do? Well, we actually haven't been able to spend much time together since she transferred in the middle of sophomore year, so when we do manage to get together a lot of our time is used on just catching up. But really, one of the things I like best about being in her company is that there's no pressure to do anything, even talk. Sure, we like talking and can stay up til all hours of the night discussing completely random topics, but we're also just fine doing our own things in silence.

I don't know if that really answers your question, but I'm fine with exploring this concept so feel free to ask more.

Re: Okay, mind exploring this?

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Okay, that was the impression I got (that you were separated by geography) but I wanted to be sure. Those are definitely different than geographically convenient relationships (I've had plenty in the past, and still do, so I'm not knocking them)..

To take it a step further, what did you 'do' when you were at the same school? I'd even go so far as to say 'discussing random topics' could be a Common Interest, but that may be a copout.

I'm still leaning toward Common Interests rather than Common Natures, because I think Compatible Dysfunctions encompases your basic nature. For instance, you two can sit and do different things in the same space without either of you freaking out about it - that's compatible, if not strictly a dysfunction. Mainly I just liked the terminology at midnight, so if you have a more inclusive one, I'm all ears/eyes/fingers...

Re: Okay, mind exploring this?

[zylch.livejournal.com]

Let's see... there was still an inordinate amount of talking, which kind of falls under "support structure" since a lot of it was about the academic, religious, parental, etc. issues we were both dealing with at the time. I also seem to recall a lot of evenings which started out with me getting out of rehearsal, going to her room, and saying "Whatcha doin'?" "Studying." "What, again?" "No, still." "Well, put the book away and come do X." (X was usually something like going to Walmart or a campus activity, but generally just hanging out.) Just random college kid stuff, you know?

The thing is, Beth and I were best friends from nearly the moment we met, certainly before we knew much of anything about each other's interests or dysfunctions or anything else. It was one of those "click" moments. I will admit that we met due to common interests, however. Or rather lack thereof -- we were the only two people on our hall that didn't plan on going to Tacky Party, so Beth's roommate (whom I knew from theatre) suggested that we hang out. After a few games of You Don't Know Jack and a minorly traumatic experience involving walking in on my roommate & her boyfriend, that was that.

To throw another wrench in the works, there's my roommate and I. We have oodles of common interests, plus trust, standard deviation, and compatible dysfunctions (anyone who can live in the same room with me for two years without killing me is a saint, and the same goes for anyone who doesn't kill Megs.) We were nearly perfect roommates; in all the time we lived together we had exactly one fight, which started at lunch and was over by 10 pm. but while we are certainly friends, we are just as certainly not best friends.

I dunno. I'm just not sure how quantifiable this sort of thing is.