From the Files of "I couldn't make this shit up"

[triadruid]

They all pray down here...

Kenyon Worldwide Disaster Services dispatched a small team and a mobile morgue to New Orleans as Katrina hit. With the death toll rising, Kenyon offered more staff and morgues if FEMA could broker a deal with Louisiana. But FEMA and the company argued for two weeks until Kenyon finally gave the Feds an ultimatum: Work out a deal or find a new mortician. The Louisiana Health Department stepped in and hired Kenyon, which increased its staff in New Orleans 15-fold. An issue raised by the Feds that Kenyon found distasteful: an instruction that chaplains bless recovered bodies. A company source said the Feds are insisting on this, and the first chaplains are supposed to go out this week. Asked if that was mixing church and state, a FEMA spokeswoman responded: "A prayer is not necessarily religious. Everybody prays."

Except when they're masturbating...

The FBI is joining the Bush administration's War on Porn. And it's looking for a few good agents...

"I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We must not need any more resources for espionage."

Or having babies.

Cynthia Liu is precisely the kind of high-achiever Yale wants: smart (1510 SAT), disciplined (4.0 GPA), competitive (finalist in Texas oratory competition), musical (pianist), athletic (runner) and altruistic (hospital volunteer). And at the start of her sophomore year at Yale, Cynthia is full of ambition, planning to go to law school.

So will she join the long tradition of famous Ivy League graduates? Not likely. By the time she's 30, this accomplished 19-year-old expects to be a stay-at-home mom.

Comments

Eeeenteresting.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

So FBI are okay, but cops are right out?

Re: Eeeenteresting.

[druidevo.livejournal.com]

What if it's someone you know who got hired by the FBI?

Re: Eeeenteresting.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Then they're most likely off the list. It is a sacred rule that you do not, in fact, go to bed with the police.

Re: Eeeenteresting.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I blame X-Files. Scully was hot.

Actually, no, FBI are not okay either. Firefighters are fine.